He has a lover!

Not really - unless you count what I saw in my dreams.

Well, perhaps I am just being oversensitive, or maybe being at home too much without a career, without looking good has diminished my self-esteem to an absolute zero (or even gone negative). Oh come on, who wouldn't if he/ she has always had good career prospects and was once a rising star in the big bad corporate world. I always prided myself on that and it was always people around me who worry about not having enough time with me, not vice versa. I didn't need anyone and more people needed me than I needed them anyway. Now, what has become of me is a (yellow-faced woman) who is stuck day in and day out with two little imps and an incompetent maid.

Recently Tian Shek has been talking a lot about how great this lady at work is, how capable she is, blah, blah, blah. Not a day goes by without him mentioning her. Do I smell a crush? A couple of times I couldn't help but just asked him if he will stray, not because I lack faith in him, but I just don't trust a man's instincts sometimes and his ways lately really has me bothered. True, he needs to spend more time at work to give us a better life, or even merely to make ends meet; but these days I can hardly see him and it doesn't help either when the kids keep asking for him. :(

Of course, he'll say no and we'll usually make love that night and I'll promptly forget it, until that stupid inferiority complex makes me feel sucked into the big J world again. I know it's being silly worrying about it and I really don't want him to feel bad, that's why I've been keeping my temper and mood in check as much as possible.

Perhaps that's the best policy to keep in mind if we should hold each other until we're old - as we promised. I cross my fingers. :)