Going through a rough patch

I thought last year was challenging enough. We found out that my mother's cancer had spread to her lungs and she has to start chemotheraphy, situation was not optimistic. Pearline was pregnant again and our second daughter Kierra was dued in Oct. I have just started a new career as a landbanking consultant. Meanwhile, the new commander of my reservist unit is so kiasu that he called us in for 1 high key and 2 low key in-camp, a total of 40 days! On top of all this, my upstairs neighbour moved in and the renovation works caused a leak in my kitchen and master bedroom and resulted in a crack on the walls of all my rooms.

I thought that was tough, trying my best to juggle my role as a son, a husband, a father, a ns-man, a not so happy neighbour of a leaking house and also a "greeny" landbanking consultant trying to earn enough to feed the family. It was ... until the we had to go through the last few months.

The year started well. I was finally promoted to a team manager, six months later than my initial plan. I thought it wasn't so bad, considering the unforeseen circumstances. Things should start to improve finally. Mum's condition had also more or less stabilized. Kieona will start her play school which means Pearline will have some rest and also spend more time with Kierra. I was optimistic that things were going to get better from that point. Meanwhile, Eugene offered to introduce me to the father who is trustee for his brother's wealth (Quite a budding Singer/composer). Pearline and I also sat down to list down and review our goals going forward. We decided that a maid would be able to give us more time to be more focus on the more important areas. To our delight, a colleague of mine has just book one and we leverage on his research on the maid agency and went ahead to book a maid too.

Then it struck, started with Pearline having tummy ache in the middle of the night. We had to rush to a A&E. Apparently indigestion. First day of CNY, Kieona had food poisoning from steamboat the nite before. Same A&E, same doctor. After that, Kieona succumbed to a flu virus she caught from school. Me and Pearline got that eventually and worst of all Kierra too. Pearline's grandfather passed away on the 5th day of CNY. I can understand that Pearline wants to be at the funeral as much as possible and I tried to be there for her. Meanwhile the kid's condition didn't improve much especially when weather was really bad for the whole month of Feb. Mum's condition got worst, the scan shows that the cancer is growing again and because of her heart condition, she cannot be put on the same chemo drugs as before. The funeral lasted 5 days. Despite, not spending our nites there because of the kids, we were exhausted because we do not get much sleep when the kids are sick.

It was a sunday, finally the day to meet Eugene's father. I was hopeful that if I can convince the old man, the sales amount can be big, maybe even up to 200k. I needed it badly because with the festive season of Christmas, New Year and CNY, I have not got any sale since Dec. As Murphy would have it, Pearline grandmother passed away that morning. I know Pearline sensed that I really wanted to go and anyway we could not have helped much until later the day. So, we went ahead with the visit anyway and I promise to end it earlier. Unfortunately, when you are desperate for a sale, it is hard to keep time. She had to cut me short and it was a fruitless visit afterall. I know she was unhappy about it and she had all the reason to be.

The funeral went on for 5days and when it was all over, so was Feb. No sales for 2 months now which means no income. The maid finally arrived. We thought things should get easier. Before you know it, Pearline sprained her ankle 3 days after the maid arrived and couldn't walk for the next 3 weeks. Meanwhile, mum's condition started to get worse. She started to go into depression and threatens to kill herself. Pearline also started to get nightmares. The maid told us she dreamt of "orang mati". I was desperate to want to get something right, everything was falling apart. Meanwhile, the kids continued to pass their viruses around. I only went to do my part in a recruitment fair as far as work is concerned. No sales, no income still. Mum attempted suicide in Mar, drank some bleach. She was hospitalised but discharged after a few days. Her condition got worse, I had to hold a urgent meeting with my brother and my father to make things right. Unbelievably, father is still not offering to stay at home with mum. His money losing factory seems more important. It was crazy! I started a roster that everyone at least stay for a day and also arrange for 2 relative to help in cooking. Meanwhile, Pearline was also going into serious depression.

At that point in time, I got a recommendation from 4th uncle for his psychiatrist and decided to bring mum and Pearline to see him. At that point, I decided family is above work and so work can wait. That thinking gave me some reprieve. Even that, it wasn't easy. Based on the roster, I stay with mum for one to two days a week. During those few days, she would hold my hand and ask me if I can stay a little later or overnight. It was hard to reject her but I always end up telling her that I had to go back to take care of my family too.

At the same time, I had a plan. The plan was to relocate mum to a condo unit next to my aunt's. That way, she can recuperate faster. I really wanted this plan to work, so that I can spend more time with Pearline and the kids. The faster the plan goes, the faster the result I want. I had to drive it myself as sis, bro and father are offering little help. Of course, that means more time spent. I knew Pearline and the girls needed me to spend more time with them and that was what I was working towards. I also got sis to go book a maid too. Although I ended up having to do the initial liasing and interviewing of maid too.

The move finally happened on a sunday despite a couple of screw ups. Sis and bro were unbelievably disorganised. I thought that once the maid arrives, things would get better. I was hopeful. I also got mum a new wheelchair so that it would be easier to get around.

It was the following wednesday, I was to bring mum to her appointment with the oncologist and the psychiatrist. It is also the last day I spent with her. After seeing the oncologist, he prescribed a medicine that is usually used by asthma patient but requires a nebulizer. As mum as feeling breathless most times, he also recommended to get a oxygen concentrator instead of the oxygen tank that I got for her the week before. I made a few calls and found out that the rental shop had both items but they are at different location. One in SGH and the other in Balestier. As we had 2 hours to the next appointment, I rushed down to SGH to get the concentrator which weights a good 40 kg and looks like a small fridge. As the carpark was far away, I had to walk quite a distance from my car to the shop. Meanwhile, mum and aunt stayed in the car. When I finally got back to the car and drove to the driveway to get the concentrator, aunt started to say that mum was not feeling well and better to go home. I was peeved. I remember driving and rising my voice to the 2 old ladies that, if going home can make mum feel better, the would be no need to see a doctor. Finally, they agreed to go see the psychiatrist and I turned in to Orchard road just nice to Mt.E. All went well and mum's breathlessness reduced dramatically after taking a pill from the pyschiatrist. We made our way back and dropped by Balestier to pick up the nebulizer. By the time we got back to the condo, it was already almost 7pm. That same day, Pearline's father was to fly to Pakistan and she brought the girls to send him off. I had planned to go fetch them from the airport but the day's event overran me. Pearline was angry with me again and refused to take my call but I really couldn't help it. I was very worried. It all had to happen on that same day. As always, mum would hug me and ask me to stay longer but that day after setting up the concentrator and the nebulizer and explaining the procedures to aunty, I left and rushed all the way to the airport. I prayed that all would be ok and curse Murphy. Luckily, they had gone home safely by cab. It was another day past and I counted my blessing.

3 days later, while I was attending my first company seminar in 5 months, sis called and said mum was not waking up. I rushed down from the office, even mounted a curb in the carpark on the way out.

I was still driving along thomson road and planned to cut into PIE. Then I received a call from Pearline. The maid had gone missing in Toa Payoh Central. I heart sank. I know that means that Pearline needed me then and without thinking much, I turned into Toa Payoh instead. We search for an hour but still couldn't find the maid. I was desperate and never in my life had I felt worst. I had to ask Pearline to get her sis to come help because I really had to go, we were waiting when her aunty past by and offered help. I rushed down to the condo but was too late. Mum had been sent for ambalment.

The funeral lasted for 5 days and I took over the reign. I am not sure how things would be like if I had not done so but I was not about to take chances with that. Daily, I still worried if Pearline and the kids were doing ok because I could not be with them. I called my in-laws to ask them to help with looking after them when I am away. The day when Pearline stormed off was the last night of the wake. Frankly speaking, I was not never embarassed. I was only worried. I had wanted to at least send them home before the prayers but somehow, there were just events that led to delays and father had to come to the car and ask me why I was leaving and prayers are to start soon. I knew all that gave Pearline a lot of pressure and I can understand how she felt but I really did not know what to do anymore. That night at least, I needed to stay by my mum. Just one last night. I am glad again that nothing bad happened.

Mum's funeral ended the roughest patch in my life thus far. I now understand the answer to the riddle "If your mother and your wife is drowning in the water, who would you safe first?" As far as I am concerned, there is only one answer, that is I will still try my best to save both, even if it means killing myself doing it. Never try, never know, we will keep trying and pray for a miracle.