Braving depression.... and getting over it

It was tough when I realised I had depression, but I'm sure it was much worse for Tian Shek. Nothing seem to be right and it didn't help that Tian Shek wasn't there very much. Even when my psychiatrist had advised that I need adult company at least for the first 2 weeks, he was away on the 2nd or third day thereafter to look after his mother. No matter how understanding a person can be, I guess unless he had put himself in my skin and walk around it, he would never know how terrible I felt and hwo badly I wanted to end it all.

Now that I have stopped my medication for depression, I finally come to terms that it wasn't myself, and there wasn't very much that could have prevented it, given the circumstances I was put through. I used to blame myself for everything, being the near perfectionist that I was, even when he kept repeating the problems his mom had. Now that I look back, I wonder why he was so preoccupied with talking to me about my mother-in-law and her problems when I was living on the edge all the time, and had more problems on my mind that it only added further stress to me when she was being mentioned like at least half the time when he was home?

Perhaps now that I feel much better, I can finally start reasoning about it, that even my psychiatrist made me feel bad at one point when he mentioned that I will need to be more understanding, but added that it's hard for me at that point. (Hmm, are you trying to say that I am unreasonable?)

I guess a lot has to be learnt by the people around those suffering from depression, that they just need to be there, and also not to "burden" the depressed about problems that are not the depressed person-centric. The depressed person is only at that point concerned about "me, me, ME!".

Now that I believe I am finally able to come clean and say I've abandoned depression, can I truly say that I wasn't unreasonable, that my needs were always simply overlooked by the loved ones in my life, that I did not have any help with a toddler, a newborn, housework, and making ends meet (yes, I was scrimping because he did mention things along the way like how come expenses so much, etc.).

And now I know too, that Tian Shek probably had a lot on his mind then too, and that I should forgive him.... afterall, I know that he still loves me, deeply.